Captive Hearts
by Exeterra
Summary: ...If you ask me what I'm doing here, I won't be able to give you an answer. I think I stay because this is where I can forget what I don't want to remember, and pretend none of it ever happened. Here I am free.
1. Prologue: The Distant Past

**Hey ^^ It's Exeterra again! I know I haven't posted like ANYTHING for a really long time, but I've had lots to do with exams and whatnot ^^" please forgive me! Gomenasai~~~~ **

**Disclaimer: I own Calixe. Er, Alice. And Derek, who comes in later. Everyone else, *sobble* are not mine.**

I'd be a fool to think I was anything he ever needed. He didn't need me; of course he didn't. No one did.

I was sitting on top of a picnic table as I stared out over the river. I wished I could make my mind shut up about that stupid jerk. I didn't want to think about him anymore. I'd be fool to let myself do that.

Although I _had _been a fool.

Hot, angry tears leaked from my eyes, even though I'd tried so hard to hold them back. I wiped them on my sleeve, but as fast as I did, more came. I slumped over my knees, exasperated. I gave up.

Suddenly, I heard an odd noise. I turned around.

This purply black circle was opening out of thin air. Suddenly, there was a huge, empty suit of armour standing there. It was easily taller than my house.

It was a heartless.

I'd never seen one so close to town, thought they'd warned us about them. I got up and prepared to run. It looked at me.

I shrieked. It jumped and smashed into the table. I had moved away milliseconds before. The table shattered on impact. I threw my arms over my head under the deluge of scraps. I looked back at the thing.

Its hands detached themselves from the body and came after me. One smacked me in the middle of my back as I was running, knocking out all my air and sending me flying into a little tree. The tree cracked with the force.

I dragged myself up on my elbows, gasping for air. I looked at the poor tree I'd just maimed.

It was being supported by two iron bars.

Using strength I didn't know I'd owned, I stood and yanked one bar out of the ground. I turned with my bar poised like a baseball bat, ready to face the thing.

Its hands came at me again. I batted at them, smacking them away right before they hit me.

One hand exploded on contact.

I gasped. I began hammering away at the other one. Soon it blew up too.

"Strike one!" I yelled at the thing, just to make myself feel cool.

It jumped. I lost sight if it. It'd gone.

"Hah!" I laughed. Guess it'd had enough of me…

Suddenly, a shadow passed over the sun. With a sickening lurch, I looked up.

_Crunch._


	2. Day 1: A New Name and Purpose

**_Me again, Exeterra~ Sorry if the beginning is a little confusing, as to who's talking. It's sort of meant to be like that, but I did leave you some hints, so don't worry! Updates may be a bit slow, but I'm trying to be good with my writing ^^" I know what it's like to wait forever for a story you want to read (I really hope you want to read mine!) So please enjoy!_**

_Come on, Axel, you're not serious!_

_I am, I swear, Roxas. They're bigger than a house! You've never seen Powered Armour before!_

_Sure. I just doubt they're as fearsome as you say they are. Hah hah!_

_Hahahaha!_

Strange sounds came to my ears. Then:

_Hey Axel—Oh! Look out!"_

_CRASH!_

_Thanks, Roxas. Almost had it there. Hey—someone's already taken out the arms!_

_I wonder—Axel! Look over there!_

_Armour first!_

Clanging. Loud sounds. Then something like:

_Yeahhhh! We did it Roxas!_

_Now c'mere!_

That one was much closer.

_I think it's safe to assume we know who took out the arms._

_Her, Axel? But she—_

_She's one of us now._

_Oh…_

I opened my eyes.

"Oh, you're awake," said a shorter blond boy. The man behind him was tall and had long, super spiky red hair.

"Don't scare her, Roxas," said the tall guy. That made him Axel. I stared at him.

"Hi there, doe eyes," he laughed. "Lookin' at something?"

I stared.

"I almost forgot how zombie-like new Nobodies are."

"Was I like that?" asked Roxas.

"Yeah, you were," Axel laughed, messing up Roxas's hair with his hand. They were both wearing the same long, black coats.

Suddenly, another black and purple circle opened up. I jumped and hid behind Axel.

"What's up with you?" he asked.

"That's what it came out of," I whispered.

"Oh," Axel replied, understanding filling his oddly-bright green eyes.

"What?" asked Roxas. His own true blue eyes were filled with confusion.

"That Armour," Axel explained. "It came out of nowhere. It killed her, too. She must've been pretty strong, to hold out long enough to take out its arms with a frikkin' _pole_. And now she's a Nobody."

"Oh," Roxas mimicked Axel's previous realization.

"Number eight," said a deep voice. "Number thirteen. Where is it?"

"Where's what?" asked Axel innocently.

"The new Nobody," intoned the voice with no real inflection.

"She's a girl," Axel informed the voice. I risked a glance over Axel's shoulder.

A man was there, feet not touching the ground, in the same black coat as Axel and Roxas. His hair was long and grey, but his face was young, and his eyes made bright brown possible. They were nearly gold. I could tell this man was extremely powerful. A man to fear and obey, but never to trust.

"Return to the Castle," the man told them. I stayed where I was.

"Bye, doe eyes," Axel said as he disappeared after Roxas into the purple-black thing.

The man stepped up to me and waved an arm. The letters ECILA appeared in front of me, facing the wrong direction. Read the right way, from the man's view, they'd say Alice. Why did that seem familiar?

"You seek control," he told me. I got the feeling he was looking through my eyes and into my brain. "I can give you freedom."

He waved. The letters spun, faster and faster. His hand shot forward suddenly, palm open, and an X smashed itself between the letters, abruptly stopping the spinning. Now, the word read CALIXE.

"Calixe," I said aloud. It felt… new, but right.

"So you have a new name," he said, "So you have a new purpose."

And then all was dark.

I'm not really sure what happened for awhile. The next thing I remember was eight days after that.


	3. Day 8: Laughter

"You're going on your first mission today," Roxas was telling me. We were sitting on a couch in the grey area. The hood of my black coat, identical to his, was pulled up. It covered my short and spiky red-brown hair, and my luminous Nobody-brown eyes. I had a secret suspicion that Nobody eyes were not the same as normal eyes. They were far too luminous.

I stared at him from the shadow of my hood. I still hadn't said anything since that first day.

"Hey, Calixe!" Axel said, waltzing in. "I get to take you out today!"

I stood. He came over and steered me toward the blue-haired man.

"This is Saïx," Axel said. "He's gonna dish out your missions. Got it memorized?"

I looked at him. Then I looked at Saïx. He had an X in the middle of his face; a long scar that framed his icy gold-brown eyes. I nodded.

"Great! Let's go then," said Axel.

"Take her to Twilight Town. Get her familiar with the procedure," Saïx said with controlled calm.

Axel extended his arm. A purple-black hole appeared.

"This is the Dark Corridor," Axel said. "It's how you get anywhere. Without these, it'd be damn near impossible to get to anywhere, really. So commit that to memory."

With no response, I stepped with Axel through the Dark Corridor.

We entered a town where the sun was always setting. I guess that's why they called it Twilight town.

However, we were underground at the moment.

"Alright," he said, clapping his hands together. "Today's your first mission. Missions are… well… they're…" he paused, completely blanking out. "Nevermind. You'll learn more by doing, right?" he attempted, then made some weird 'ha-ha' sound.

Then Axel ran over to a ledge and jumped up.

"Get up here," he directed. I followed and jumped onto the ledge.

"This one's a little higher…" he said, jumping onto another ledge and pulling himself up with his arms. I did the same.

"Great. Now," he instructed, "there's a treasure chest here somewhere. Find it."

I ran around, searching for the chest. Axel followed. Finally, I found it. I stood in front of it.

"Well?" Axel prodded.

"I found the chest," I said. "That was the mission, right?"

"But there's this thing about chests," Axel said with the air of someone repeating himself. "They usually have stuff in them."

"So I should open it?"

"That's kinda the custom, yeah. It's just how we roll at Castle Oblivion. Call me crazy." He shrugged with a smirk, and stared at me expectantly.

I looked at the chest and opened it. There was a potion in it.

"You always open treasure chests, 'cause there's good things inside," Axel explained. "Got—"

"Yes I have it memorized," I cut him off quickly, almost making the words seem like one long one. He broke out into a smile.

"Alright. Let's RTC."

I looked at him.

"Return To Castle," he explained.

I didn't respond.

"Go back to the Dark Corridor," he said patiently. I did. He followed.

We arrived at the Dark Corridor.

"So Calixe," Axel said, "What did you think of your first mission?"

I said nothing. What was there to say?

"Didn't quite hear you," Axel teased. I turned to face him.

"...That was way too easy, and I could have done it in my sleep," I replied curtly.

He did that 'ha ha' thing again. What a strange thing to do, I thought.

"Great. Mission's over. C'mon."

But instead of walking toward the Dark Corridor, he walked the other direction.

"Axel?" I called. "Don't we RTC now?"

"That can wait," he said. "Jeez, you really are like Roxas. Total zombie. You don't remember our special spot either?"

I shook my head.

"Come on then," he sighed, and towed me by the wrist. I stared at his long fingers, gloved in black and clasped around my similarly covered hand. I could feel heat radiating from his skin even through the fabric.

We came out at the top of a clock tower. Roxas was there, with a girl whose number was XIV, and whose name I thought I knew to be Xion.

"Hey Roxas, Xion," said Axel, confirming my name-recalling ability. "Why are you two always so terribly _early_?"

"You're just always late," Roxas replied, the corners of his mouth lifting.

"I'm never late," said Axel, pretending he was hurt deeply. "The world is just early. Nobody can be on time here? Sheesh."

"We _are _Nobodies," Roxas pointed out. "Therefore we're on time, and you're late."

The three of them went 'ha ha'. I stood there, slightly behind Axel.

"Hi Calixe," Roxas said, noticing me. "I didn't see you there. Come sit down."

He patted the little wall around the clock tower ledge, where he and Xion were sitting, and Axel was quickly joining them.

I went and sat beside Axel, putting him between myself and the other two Nobodies.

"Here," Axel said, handing me a blue thing on a stick.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Ice cream," said Axel. "Eat it, it's good."

He took a bite of his. I decided it must not be dangerous if he'd eat it himself, so I followed suit.

"Mm," I said quietly.

"What was that, chatterbox?" Axel teased.

"It's good isn't it?" asked Xion.

I nodded. It was very good.

"I'll bet you don't remember what it's called," said Axel, and then went 'ha ha' again.

I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it," said Roxas. "I didn't either. It's sea salt ice cream."

"Oh…" I said. "Axel?"

"Yeah, doe eyes?"

"What was it like?"

"What was what like?" he asked innocently.

"Having a heart."

He messed up his hair with one hand.

"Well…" he began, then seemed to change his mind. "Not that different really. Why, you don't remember?"

I shook my head.

"Neither do Roxas and me," Xion said, recovering from apparent shock at my ability to speak. Or maybe it was the question. "It's okay. Because now we have our _new_ memories, and there's nothing for us to miss."

"Your memories are the only things that define who you were before Organization XIII," said Axel pensively. "But Xion's right. You don't have anything to miss, because you don't even remember what they took away from you." He stared at his ice cream, as if trying to melt it with his gaze. Its salty-sweet flavour did not match the bitterness in his voice.

I looked down at my own now-clean ice cream stick. It had a word on it. I held it closer to my eyes.

"Hey, look at that!" said Axel, cheering up. "Calixe already has a Winner stick!"

"A winner?" I asked.

"Yeah. Donno what it's for," Axel shrugged. "But who cares? You're a Winner."

He smiled. I smiled back.

Roxas and Xion went 'ha ha'.

"What are they doing?" I asked Axel. "That ha-ha noise. It's weird."

"They're laughing," he explained. Roxas and Xion looked at me, smiling as though I was a student, and they were my teachers. "You do that when… when something funny happens," he finished.

"Nothing funny happened," I pointed out.

"Sometimes friends laugh when nothing really funny happened, just because they're happy," Axel added. "Like us. We laugh over stupid stuff all the time."

"We're friends?"

"Well… yeah."

Xion and Roxas nodded their agreement, and Roxas beamed at me. The ha-ha noise came out of my throat, uncalled for. "I laughed!" I exclaimed, surprised and thrilled all at once.

Axel laughed too. "Yep. See, we _are_ friends."

Roxas laughed. Soon, Xion and Axel were laughing too.

I'm not sure why, but I joined in. It was an odd sensation.

"We really must be friends to laugh over nothing," I noted afterwards.

"Of course!" Axel chuckled, throwing an arm around me on one side and Roxas on the other.

"Even though none of us has a heart?"

"Sure, why not?" Axel said, removing his arm so he could shrug. "Who's to say Nobodies can't be friends?"

He laughed. Roxas laughed. Xion laughed.

And I laughed too.


	4. Day 9: Sun Sets Red

**A/N: I hope you're enjoying this so far. If you were wondering, YES, I swear this has a plot and is going somewhere. I'll try to update more regularly, but you and I both know that isn't going to happen XD Here you go:**

* * *

Day 9

I walked into the grey area, knowing more or less what I had to do. I'd walk up to Saïx and he'd give me a mission.

Easy enough.

"Hello Calixe," said Saïx without emotion. "Today you will be working with Demyx."

I nodded, and turned to see a man with fluffed up brown hair, holding a sitar.

"Hi there, Fifteen," he said.

I looked at him.

"Let's get going then," he said hastily, and opened a Dark Corridor. I followed him through.

"All right," Demyx said. "I have to teach you Recon today. Not all missions are about downing heartless and stuff. So, you gotta look around for anything that might tell you something about this place. Capiche?"

"Um… sure?" I said, not knowing what capiche meant.

"And I'm gonna just follow you around and make sure your brain is working extra hard," he said. "Since you're the one learning here, not me."

I walked around. I was outside now, but still in Twilight Town. Demyx followed as I walked around aimlessly.

"Aren't you gonna…" Demyx paused, looking for the rest of his sentence. "Y'know, inspect anything?"

"Oh, am I supposed to?" I asked.

"Yeah. Like, 'I see lots of buildings. Hmm, maybe _people_ generally live here,'" he said in a high falsetto, his voice breaking on the 'people'.

"Okay," I replied. I mocked his falsetto as I said, "'I see lots of buildings. Maybe _people _generally live here.' But there's no people around right now. I wonder why."

"That's better," Demyx said approvingly, apparently missing the mocking.

"Um… the ground. It slants," I noted. "Maybe the town was built on a hill?"

"Are you asking me?" Demyx teased.

I didn't answer.

"Here, this place looks like it sells jewellery…" I added.

"So, what does that tell us about these people?" Demyx prodded.

"They… buy jewellery? They aren't poor?"

"Sure…"

"You don't know, do you?"

"Hey, Vexen just told me which questions to ask you," Demyx shrugged.

"Oh…" I paused, looking around. "We're on a path. It's different from the rest… and it has marks on it."

"That's from the tram," Demyx informed me.

"Okay, then it goes…" I followed it to a closed doorway. "The tram must go through here."

I noticed an opening in the buildings a little to the left. I went inside. There was a mirrored tram opening on this side.

"The road comes right through here," I noted, "and ends at this wall. So this must be the tram yard."

"Very good. Let's RTC. You've done well enough."

He shrugged. I could tell he'd simply given up, not actually knowing much about doing recon. In any case, we headed back to the Castle.

*Later*

Axel took me back to the clock tower to eat ice cream with him, Roxas and Xion.

We laughed again. Over more stupid things. I laughed so hard I dropped my ice cream stick over the edge of the tower, and we just laughed harder.

"It would be so funny," said Roxas, "If we went on a mission and it was still down there."

"Yeah," Xion agreed. Then we lapsed into silence.

"Hey Calixe," said Axel. "Did you even wonder why the sun sets red?"

"Not this again," said Roxas, holding back a chuckle.

"Sure," I said, my curiosity piqued.

"Well, light is made up of all sorts of colours," Axel began. "And out of all those colours—"

"Red is the one that travels the farthest," Roxas interrupted smoothly, perfectly imitating Axel's tone.

I laughed. "You sounded just like him!" I told Roxas.

"What?" Roxas asked innocently. "Who?"

Axel laughed and messed Roxas's hair.

Then there was a pause.

"Tomorrow," Axel said, breaking the silence, "Calixe learns to kill heartless. Then she gets real missions with us."

"Cool!" said Xion. "I can't wait!"

"Me neither," I said.

"But you'll never beat _me_," Axel teased, messing up my hair.

"Just watch me," I smiled.


	5. Day 10: Heartless

Day 10

"Today's mission requires you to team up with Roxas," Saïx informed me.

"Okay," I said, my day getting considerably brighter.

I found Roxas sitting on a couch.

"Is there anything I should do before the mission?" I asked immediately, my mind not yet clear enough to realize I should have started with 'hello'.

He looked up in surprise. "Oh, yeah. Load some magic before you go."

I blinked. "I can do _magic_?"

"Only if you equip it beforehand," he explained. He taught me how to load my panels and equip magic. Apparently I'd been getting prizes from doing missions.

"Okay," I said afterwards. "Let's go then."

Roxas opened the Dark Corridor.

"Hey," he said once we were in Twilight Town. "You should try opening the Corridor on the way back."

"O—okay."

He laughed. "Don't look so nervous! It's a lot easier than it sounds."

I smiled, the tension gone. "Okay. What's the mission?"

"Kill some heartless. Of course," he said. "It's simple enough. They probably should've sent Demyx for _this_ one, instead of recon. No brains involved in downing a few heartless." He tapped his head.

I laughed. "True. So, where do we find them?"

"Everywhere!"

There was a sound. A heartless popped up about five feet to my left.

"That's a pureblood heartless," Roxas explained. "Just a shadow. Summon your weapon and kill it."

"Ummm…"

"Just hold out your hand, and see the weapon in it."

Roxas held out his hand, and in a flash, a key/sword thing appeared in it. I tried to visualize that same flash.

I looked at my hand. I was holding something that resembled a bow. The bow was actually two blades coming from the handle. It was shiny and red, with a black curved piece in the center of each half. I had no arrows.

"Wow," he said, "Looks like a bow. Nice weapon."

I held it up as if it was a bow—just for the laughs—drawing back my right arm in an archer's stance. I gasped as a shining arrow appeared between my fingers and zipped off into oblivion.

"Okay, apparently it _is _a bow!" I said, surprised. I aimed at the shadow and fired away. It blew up into a pile of…

"What is that?" I asked Roxas.

"This," he said, throwing something at me, "Is Munny, and it's to pay for synthesizing panels. And this is health."

"Okay."

"And here, this," he said, throwing something else at me, "Is something you can use to synthesize panels, if you pay for the synthesis with that Munny."

"Okay, got it," I said. "Bring on the heartless!"

"Next time, use magic, okay?"

"Sure."

We walked a little ways before another heartless appeared.

"This one isn't a pureblood," Roxas said. "See the symbol?"

I nodded. A panel I'd loaded told me it was a Yellow Opera, and it had full health.

"Kill it with magic."

I held out my hands, palms pointed at the thing, and my weapon held by my thumbs against my palms. I reached with my mind to the magic….

A fireball shot from my hands and blew up the Opera easily. I beamed at Roxas, who smiled back.

"Nice job," he said. "There are five more Yellow Operas around here. Find them, kill them, and RTC."

"You got it," I grinned.

I traipsed around, alternating between shooting and launching fire at the heartless. Roxas followed close behind me, and helped out every now and then, but since I was the one learning he was mostly a spectator.

"Hey," said Roxas at one point, "Your bow looks pretty sharp…"

"I was thinking the same thing," I grinned. The next Yellow Opera I saw, I ran toward it and batted it with the bow. For good measure, I finished it off by spinning the bow against the flat of my palm.

"Take that!" I said, and made a peace sign with my fingers.

Roxas laughed. "You're funny."

"Thanks," I smiled. "So… RTC?"

"Yeah."

"But we're coming back after, right?"

"You are," he said. "I have another mission."

He made a face.

"Awh. Just me and Xion and Axel then. Too bad."

"Actually… Xion's coming with me."

"Oh… then me and Axel will have lots of fun without you two," I said, then stuck my tongue out at him.

"Hey," he said, trying to conceal a smile. "That's not nice! And besides, the English language says you have to say _Axel_ and _I_."

We arrived at the Corridor, laughing.

"Um so, how do I open it?" I asked.

"Hold out your arm and connect to the Castle Oblivion," Roxas explained. "It'll go through the walls between worlds. See it in your mind. It'll be way easier next time."

He stepped up behind me and lifted my arm.

I did as he said. I could feel the Dark Corridor, stretching out from my hand. It went through a wall and then it was in nothing. I felt it connect to the castle.

I heard a woosh.

I looked up. "Nice!" said Roxas, smiling and stepping away.

"Thanks," I grinned. "Beats walking, I guess!"

"Yeah," he agreed, and he followed me through.

We arrived at the castle. Xion was waiting to go.

"Don't have too much fun without us," Roxas said.

"No way!" I laughed. Xion and Roxas disappeared, smiling, through the Corridor.

I called up a Corridor to take me back to Twilight Town.

When I got to the tower, Axel wasn't there yet. I sat on the ledge, munching my ice cream.

Footsteps approached behind me.

"Hey, I'm not the only one late," Axel joked. He came and sat beside me.

"No," I said, "Roxas and Xion had a mission. They aren't coming. You're still late," I teased.

"Naw, you're early, I'm _pretty_ sure," he laughed.

I laughed too. "Okay, whatever."

"What did you learn today?" he asked.

"I opened the Dark Corridor," I said proudly. "And summoned my weapon _and_ used magic!"

I beamed. He chuckled. "You look like a kid on Christmas," he said.

I made a confused face. "Christmas?"

"Nevermind."

A pause.

"Hey, Calixe?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember the other day," he began, "When you asked what it was like, having a heart?"

"Yeah?"

"I… didn't give you the whole story. I didn't wanna say in front of Roxas and Xion. They'd've laughed."

"You can tell me," I promised. "I won't laugh. I really wanna know."

"I know. That's why I'm telling you."

"Oh."

Another pause.

"It's so… empty, not having a heart. When you have one, your whole chest if filled with feelings. And you can love. Without a heart, loving is impossible. _Friendship_ is close to impossible. But with you guys, I really feel like… maybe, one day, I can have a heart again. Like maybe… I never even… lost what I had."

He had been accenting his words with his hands, which now fell helplessly to his lap.

"Axel…" I said, not quite knowing what I'd say next. "You don't need a heart to love. Sure, it's hard. But you have to be better than the Nobodies who give up on love, saying 'I don't have a heart, so I can't feel anything'. You just have to learn to love without one."

He looked at me for a long, long minute, his bright green eyes boring into my shining brown ones. Finally, he broke out in a smile.

"Thanks, Calixe," he said. "For not laughing. _And_ for saying something even cheesier than I did." He laughed. "And you're right. Maybe I can love without a heart."

"Um. You're welcome," I said, looking away. I didn't even know where that rant had come from.

He got up suddenly. "I…gotta go. See you around, Calixe."

"Bye, Axel," I replied, mystified.

He was gone almost before the words had left my mouth. I was left, eating my ice cream and contemplating what I'd said.


	6. Day 11: Memories

Day 11

"You're getting your first _real_ mission today," Saïx informed me dryly. "It's also your first solo mission. You are to go to Twilight Town and defeat heartless."

"Okay," I replied. "Easy enough."

I took a minute to go over my panels. _Fine—I guess_, I thought to myself. I added a potion, just in case. Good enough.

"Alright, Saïx, ready to go," I said. Saïx briefed me quickly.

"Take out the set amount of heartless. The Dark Corridor won't open again until you do. Then feel free to return."

I opened the Dark Corridor. Looked around the Grey Zone one last time before I left. Axel hadn't shown yet, and neither had Roxas or Xion. I sighed and stepped through the Corridor.

I mindlessly shot heartless out of my way. Whacked and sliced a few. Flung fire at a rare couple. Anyway, they all exploded into fabulous prizes of Munny, health and synthesizing elements. It went by in a boring blur. Missions were more fun when they weren't solo, I realized. I laughed at my earlier self, from that morning, all excited to work alone.

My mission bar filled up overly quickly. I decided to go the whole nine yards and fill it completely, even though I didn't have to. Nothing to rush back for, right?

So anyway. After a few hours condensed into these little paragraphs, I'd filled my mission gauge.

"Guess I'll head back now," I sighed. Then I brightened. Maybe Roxas, Xion and Axel would be around.

"Hey, Calixe!" I heard. I looked up.

Roxas and Xion were waving from the top of the clock tower. I smiled and headed up to meet them.

Axel arrived before me.

"Look who's late _now_!" he laughed, fist pumping the air. I chuckled and plunked down beside him, playfully punching his arm.

"You were still late," said Roxas.

"But Calixe was late-_er_!" Axel beamed triumphantly.

I laughed. Then I noticed Xion staring out over the landscape.

"Xion?" I asked. "You okay?"

She looked up. "Oh, yeah," she said nonchalantly. "Just tired. From extra missions, you know?"

"Oh…" I said, unconvinced. Axel handed me an ice cream.

"My treat," he said, "For your first day of real missions!"

I laughed. We all clinked our ice creams together before eating. Axel said it was something you do when you celebrate. He also said we should yell, "Cheers!" but I didn't, and neither did Roxas or Xion. We just laughed when Axel was the only one yelling it. Then the laughter died down.

We munched in silence for a moment.

_I laughed. Derek was being a goof again._

_"Don't fall off the tower!" I called as he pretended to faint over the edge. He laughed. "Be careful!"_

_"Aren't I always?" he chuckled._

_"Not really!"_

_He came over and scooped me into a hug._

"Heeyyyy, Calixe?" Axel said, waving a hand in front of my face. "You alive in there?"

"Yeah," I said. "Why?"

"You were all zombied out there," he smirked.

"Staring into space," Roxas explained, obviously holding back laughter as he translated Axel's thoughts.

"Oh, sorry," I said sheepishly. "I guess I'm just… _tired_."

I grinned at Xion, repeating her excuse. She blinked and then smiled back "Right," Axel said sarcastically. "So, uh… who's Derek?"

I looked at him. "No idea."

_Day 11_

_I've had this diary for a few days now… People keep telling me I should write in it, but I haven't yet. There was nothing to write about._

_But today, I saw something. It was in my head. I'm not sure what it was, though. A strange thought, maybe. There was a boy in it. His name was Derek._

_Maybe there'll be more to write about tomorrow._


	7. Day 12: Insight

Day 12

"Today you will be pairing up with Axel," Saïx informed me.

"'Kay," I said, smiling. I was looking forward to the mission.

"You are going to a new world," he added. "Normally, we don't let someone so… _young_ travel to new worlds so quickly. However, Lord Xemnas sees promise in you and has requested we speed up your progress."

"Um… thanks," I mumbled, not knowing how to answer.

"See me when you're ready to go."

He walked off. I sat down, thinking.

I had promise? Okay…

"Hey," Axel said, flopping down. "You're special! Doesn't that make you feel…special?"

"What?" I asked, not quite understanding.

"You get to go to another world on your… what, _fourth_ day of missions? That's unheard of, Calixe," Axel informed me seriously.

"Really?" I said, surprised. "I'm not that great. I just kill stuff."

"Obviously you're doing a good job of it," he commended me.

"Uh… thanks."

He beamed. I smiled back tentatively. There was a pause.

"So um… where are we going today?" I asked.

"Wonderland," he replied, making magical gestures with his hands.

"Okay. Will I need anything special?"

"Just your usual magic and potions. And artillery," he winked.

"Let's go then," I sighed, getting up.

"You don't sound excited," Axel said, staring. "Why don't you sound excited?"

"Oh… sorry," I said apologetically.

"Come on," he continued seriously, annoyance plain on his face. "I go through all this trouble to be enthusiastic for you, not to _mention_ that you get to spend the entire day with _me_. Lighten up, Calixe!" He broke into a chuckle at the end.

"I'm just… a little nervous," I confessed.

Axel laughed once and clapped my shoulder. "We all are, on out first day of world traveling. Don't worry about it."

I lightened up a little, though I was still nervous. "Kay."

Axel opened the Dark Corridor, and we headed to Wonderland.

There were hedges everywhere, shaped like mazes and hearts and weird patterns. Axel could probably see over them no problem, but I was just a little too short.

Our job was to collect hearts. No sweat, right?

But that left a whole lot of time for talking.

"So," Axel began nonchalantly. "Who's Derek—really?"

Way to take the slow, casual route, Axel. Nice.

"I told you," I insisted, looking away. "I don't know."

"Obviously, you _do_," Axel persisted. "It sure _sounded_ like you know him."

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked eventually.

"Sure I can," Axel boasted. "I'm like the king of secrets! Lay it on me, doe eyes."

"Well… last night… on the tower… I heard something. In my head. It was like… like I'd been at that tower before. And… Derek was there. I don't know who he is, or why he was there, but he just was. And he was… trying to make me laugh, I think."

"Do you know what that is?" Axel asked gleefully. "That's a memory. You have a memory, Calixe!"

"I do?" I asked, tilting my head.

"That's what it sounds like," he replied, smirking.

"Hmm…" I said, and then lapsed into silence.

"You okay for this mission?" Axel asked, taking in my pensive demeanor.

I nodded, shaking off the memory. "I'm good. Let's kick some heartless butt!"

Axel looked unconvinced, but he set off with me nonetheless. I put everything I had into killing heartless, trying to distract myself from the memory, but it nagged at the edge of my thoughts the whole time. I was hoping Axel didn't notice, but sure enough, he had.

After we'd filled our mission gauge completely, killing almost double the required number of heartless, I headed as quickly as possible back towards the dark corridor, keeping ahead of Axel so he couldn't see my thoughtful frown.

"Hey," he called after me, and my inner self went, 'DAMN!'

"Yeah, Axel?" I replied, turning innocently.

"You've been in lala-land this whole mission," he began.

"I thought we were in _Wonder_land..." I replied, innocently confused.

He let out an exasperated sigh, messing his hair with his hand. "Look, Calixe, I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to. I'm not that kind of person. But you can always talk to me about it if something's eating you, got it memorized?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "Thanks, Axel." Then I laughed. "I assume you don't mean something's literally eating me, I hope? That would suck."

He nudged me. "Stop making my awesome friend to friend speeches sound… mock-able." He laughed. "No, I mean when something's eating at your mind." He put a finger to his temple.

I sighed. "That's a good way to put it."

"Do you want to talk?"

I hesitated. "Not yet…" I trailed off. "I… don't quite understand yet, not enough to talk about it. We'll see when I get more memories."

I stuck my tongue out at him playfully. He ruffled my hair, and we headed back to the castle.

_Day 12_

_Axel told me that the thing I saw in my mind was a memory. I have memories? I don't know. That's the only one I have, and I didn't have it until yesterday. Will I get more? I don't know if I even want more. It's just confusing me._


	8. Day 13: All Good Things

Day 13

I woke up in a cold sweat, and immediately started writing in my journal. I'd had really weird dreams the night before. Ones I didn't want to forget.

After I'd finished that, I headed to the Gray Zone. I scanned for a bright red spiky head, but no such luck. I headed up to Saïx.

"Where's Axel?" I asked.

"His location is none of your concern," Saïx intoned. "If you must know, he is carrying out a specialized mission from which he may not return. So don't ask me every day. Your mission today is…"

I tuned out the rest. Might not return? Impossible. Axel would always come back. He had to. He would always come back, right?

"…with Roxas."

I nodded dumbly, noticing he'd stopped speaking. Roxas came up.

"Hey, Calixe, you okay?" he asked, concerned.

I nodded again. He sighed.

"All right…" he opened the dark corridor.

We were in a place I didn't recognize.

"Roxas? Where are we?" I asked.

"This is the Beast's castle," he replied. "Why are you so quiet today?"

"Axel." My voice was barely a breath on the wind, but I could tell by the change in his expression that he'd heard me.

"Oh." He was quiet for a moment. "You know, he's had these top secret missions before. He always comes back, Calixe. Don't worry so much."

I nodded. I tried to enjoy the mission—I really did. I threw myself into the recon, getting to know the world before I could have any real missions there, but it all seemed so… pointless. Colourless. Lifeless.

"Calixe, you okay?" Roxas asked. We were in a hallway, heading up some stairs. I just nodded.

Out of nowhere, a huge roar shook the very ground. I dimly registered that it could be bad, but found myself merely looking around, mildly curious. Very mildly. It was as though I was watching my body going through the motions without really registering doing anything at all.

"That's the beast," Roxas said. "I wonder why he's so upset… Calixe?"

My body had begun climbing the stairs, heading toward where the roar had come from. Roxas grabbed my arm. "Where are you going?" he asked as though I were insane.

"To ask why he's upset?"

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "We can't be seen… come on. Let's just RTC. You've done fine for today."

He half led, half dragged me back to the Dark Corridor, and we went through.

Soon I found myself on the clock tower with Roxas and Xion, not quite positive of how I'd arrived there, but assuming that Roxas had brought me. There was an ice cream in my hand, but I didn't eat it. It dripped over the edge of the tower, and eventually the entire thing fell right out of my numb fingers and splattered to the ground. I hardly even noticed, my eyes staring glassily ahead into the sunset.

_Red is the one that travels the farthest..._

Before I knew it, I was lying in bed. The day had been a horrible blur. My mind was in turmoil. I lay on my side, closed my eyes, and pretended to sleep.

_Day 13_

_I woke up this morning and remembered this from my dreams:_

_I was in a park with the boy named Derek. We were sitting on swings talking. The scene changed and I was with him eating ice cream, but it was not sea salt flavoured and we were not in the usual spot for eating ice cream. It changed again, and we were sitting on a checkered blanket with another girl and another two boys, eating sandwiches._

_I don't know who this boy is, but maybe these are more memories? I have to go on missions now. I will ask Axel about it.  
_

_Axel might not come back. Axel might be gone forever._


End file.
